I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
