My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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