i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
