Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
