I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
