So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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