U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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