just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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