Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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