omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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