You're so nebulous sometimes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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