Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want to have your abortion
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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