that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
