That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
