she looked like the before picture.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
did you just send me my own nude
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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