this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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