Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
