my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
