you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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