I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
