I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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