Got a toothbrush?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the condom got lost in my hair
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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