we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Michael Bay diarrhea
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
