Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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