let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
