is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
