i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
