Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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