Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
