After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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