I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
