It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
