it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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