Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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