A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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