Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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