Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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