She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
