So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
