And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
