as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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