Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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