you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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