69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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