Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
