I wish I could punch you in the face.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
