Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
