we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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