Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sober January is a disaster.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
