So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
