I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
