Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
