We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
