I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
