why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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