i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
