I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize