My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You need Xanax blowdarts
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
