it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
