you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
