I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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