Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
