My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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