8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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