remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
