i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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