im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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