Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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