Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
