shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
