i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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