Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
