Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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