Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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