i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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