You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
